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Eat it, too.

Don't Fire Your Neighbor

Posted by JoeyBreak

The reason I didn't post any pictures from my ice cave tour is because they were probably the least interesting things that happened on the tour.

First, I need to give you a little background about how all this goes down.

The tour guide can only take so many people through the ice caves at one time because the path through them is quite narrow and you can imagine the cave would look like one big snakebyte creature before too long, and nobody could hear what the guide was saying. Our tour began near the end of the day, so our tour guide actually doubled up by taking a group of English speakers and a group of Deutsch speakers. Probably nothing unusual there.

Keep in mind that there is no artificial or natural light in the cave so every third person gets to carry one of the special lanterns they use for the tour - a glorified candle really (without the wax). The tour guide is a blonde-hair, blue-eyed young man in his 20's with a strong Deutsch accent when he speaks English - it's almost laughable. He finishes passing out the lanterns and says, "Please be careful with the lamps; don't fire your neighbor."

As you would expect, the crowd chuckled in laughter, everyone probably thinking "Haha like I would be silly enough to do that. That probably never happens." Well, at least that's what I was thinking and so I laughed.

All is great throughout the whole tour except that my fingers were starting to get numb from spending almost two hours in a 0°C icebox. As we get back to the entrance and the door is still closed, the tour guide finishes up by thanking us all for coming on the tour (€50 by the way). I'm leaning on the rail as he continues and this is when I start to feel my left leg get warm just below my pocket. I thought to myself, "That warm sure feels nice." In what was probably less than 2 seconds later, the warm started to sting. I turned to my left pocket only to see my pants on fire and started whacking with both hands. "What the," I gasped!
Joey in Holy Pants

After the fire was out, all I could smell was that rancid scent of burned hair, and all I could hear was the voice of the middle-aged woman who started it all, "Oh your trousers were on fire." Her fire only left a small burn scar on my left leg but had the flame reached onto my polyester jacket, I could have been in some serious pain. Thankfully, this is just funny. Please always remember, "Don't fire your neighbor."